Location: Bedroom floor
Listening to: Kaleidescope Heart by Sara Bareilles.
Days til I move: 10
First things first, sorry about the abrupt end to my last post! After a few surgeries for broken bones, my cousin and his girlfriend are both fine. They apparently got in a several-car crash and had to be air lifted to a hospital. My cousin has been discharged and his girlfriend only has a few more days to stay. Thank you for your concerns!
The other day at work, I made pretty much the best decision of my life after one of the girls gave me her cell number when she learned I was leaving to go back to school in a few days and I kind of thought, "Wow, I actually made a friend."
I used to be really outgoing and boisterous and bubbly alllllllll of the time. Then, my senior year, I started getting really bad anxiety and missed a lot of school because we didn't know what was causing my weirdly rapid heart beat and for most people, out of sight means out of mind, so when I got back, I was kind of surprised to learn that most of my friends...weren't really my friends anymore.
Since then, I kind of withdrew into myself a little. I started feeling awkward around people and worrying too much if they liked me or if they were even listening to what I was saying (one time at a bonfire, I was in the middle of a story when I realized everyone was tuned out, so I just stopped talking and no one even said anything and anytime anything like that has happened since, it slays me) and started turning back into the shy kid I used to be.
I don't like being shy. It just makes me even more worried about what people think, because I don't want them to think I'm not talking for a reason or that I don't have anything to say or that I don't like them.
So I'm going to stop being shy.
When I'm not worried about what people think about me, I make friends. Not even on purpose. I just be me and then eventually I'm like, "Hey, when did this person go from someone I kind of knew to someone I text and hang out with?" So this year at school, I'm not going to worry.
When I'm around kids in class, I'll talk to the people around me.
When I'm with Brad's friends (who I'm a million times more shy around because it's actually really important to me that they like me), I'll try to join in conversations and actually give more than one word responses.
When I'm around my friends at school, I won't hold back. I'll just be me and if they don't like it, they can deal with it.
I know it's kind of late for a new years resolution, but this is my new school year's resolution. I am going to stop being so shy. I am going to make friends this year. Good friends. The kind you have for life.
Do you guys have any tips for a shy girl turned friendly girl turned shy girl on how to not care so much about what other people are thinking about her? Have you ever been in a situation where you decided you didn't like being a certain way, so you were just going to stop? Leave advice in the comments!
More later. :)