Time Flies

Location: The Couch
Listening to: The Colbert Report

I feel old.

Today I am feeling kind of nostalgic. I was thinking earlier about how long it's been since I was last in a theater production (about 3 years) and then how long it's been since I first got involved in theater (at least 8 years). My life used to revolve around theater. In high school, I was involved in at least one production each year (usually I participated in several shows each year). It was a huge part of my life and how I met most of my friends.

That made me think about how long it's been since I've talked to some of my best friends from high school. The person who I consider to be my best friend in my last years of high school and I haven't talked in over a year. We started drifting apart a little during our senior year when I was in and out of school with my mysterious medical condition (which ended up just being anxiety). We haven't really reconnected, but I hope we will. I miss her.

I really only regularly talk to one of my friends from high school, and she and I have been friends since 6th grade. I occasionally talk to a few other friends and see them sometimes when I go home, but I'm starting to feel like I don't have connections with them. Which is sad. I have a hard time letting go of friends, even when it's clear there isn't anything to hold onto anymore.

The summer between my junior and senior years, I kind of dated one of my friend's exboyfriends. Things ended dramatically and caused a lot of craziness. Today, in my fit of nostalgia, I looked back at some messages sent and received during that time between me and this guy, and none of it made sense. In one particular message, he's trying to make me see reason and forgive him, and he's citing all these examples of things that happened and how I knew him better than anyone, and none of it made sense. I couldn't remember any of the things he was talking about. It shocked me, because it felt like the biggest deal at the time, and now I can't even remember the details.

In four months, I turn 21. It's really the last big age-related milestone until I turn 40. I feel both very young and so old at the same time. I have about a year and a half left of college and then I'll be out looking for a grown up job. A lot of people I know and graduated with are getting married and having babies.

I feel like I'm caught between adolescence and adulthood. Which I guess I kind of am.

(I'm really sorry for not posting for the last two months, everybody. I've been so busy with finals and then  moving into my new apartment and starting my internship and life has been kind of hectic. I promise I'm going to try to update more!)