Listening to: A commercial for SNL
Days til Graduation: I honestly don't know.
Right now I look ridiculous. I'm not even joking with you. I look like a crazy person. I'm all ready to go to bed, so I'm in my sweats and this old shirt for my school's wrestling team from when my sister dated this wrestler about six years ago. But that's not the crazy part.
Tomorrow is the variety show (I promise, this will lead to an explanation of my crazy person appearance, just bare with me). So I want to have nice hair. That's understandable, right? But I am a lazy bum. I do the bare minimum to get by in life, and I'm pleased with that. So I want to have curly hair tomorrow for the v-show, but curling my hair takes five hundred years and the curls end up going limp in less than no time.
So I have my hair up in sponge curlers right now. And a blue bandana tied over the top of it. A light blue bandana. Mostly, I look crazy.
Today was a bad day. The only nice thing was I got out of classes all day to sit in the auditorium and practice variety show junk. And watch everyone else practice their junk.
I pretty much just sat there for a really long time. Then W.C. and I practiced our song and that went well. But the whole day I just felt kind of ignored and out of it, because everyone I'm friends with was all clustered together and having fun and there just wasn't really room for me. Plus, Mel was alllllll over W.C. It was kind of desperate looking (but I'm a bit petty and jealous, so I might have a bit of a biased view on that). But she was flirting up a storm and he was flirting back and I just sat there and got sadder and sadder.
I think I give up on him. I know that's kind of sad, but honestly, I don't think I have much of a chance. Not right now, at least. Besides, I'm leaving for college in a few months. I'll probably meet someone there. And, if not, he and I are going to the same college. And Mel will still be here. So my odds might be better then.
I'm just kind of sick of sitting here feeling like I have all of these feelings and not knowing what to do with them. Telling him wouldn't really work. We're not strong enough of friends that we could get past that, and I just got him back as a friend. Mel is jealous already that Alison and I are such good friends, so I think she flirts with him in front of me on purpose. But if that's the way she wants to act, I don't even care. It's immature of her and I don't want to deal with that drama.
I'm not that desperate.
I also went to my doctor today for the millionth time this year. I've been having these ongoing health issues (mostly weird fast heart stuff and weird shortness of breath stuff, but not always at the same time), so I've been in and out getting tested for stuff. Nothing's come back positive, though. So I went in again today because when I fall asleep lately, I wake up gasping for breath like I'd been under water.
Anyway, long story short, I probably have some kind of anxiety and my body likes to tell me that I'm too stressed out by making my body do stupid things. Which would totally make sense to me. I usually have too much on my plate at a time and I don't like to ask for help and all that stuff.
I don't really know why I shared that. It was just on my mind.
In other, happier news, an editorial I wrote for my school paper (I mentioned that I'm managing editor of my school paper, right?) won 3rd place in a national competition. That's the best placing anyone from our school has ever gotten in that competition ever. I also won a different award for outstanding scholastic journalism earlier this year.
I hope none of you had a day that made you as cranky as mine made me! If you did, watch these and feel happier:
And also: This one (which wouldn't let me just embed the video, but it's definitely the best one).