Thursday, May 13, 2010


Location: Couch
Listening to: A commercial for SNL
Days til Graduation: I honestly don't know.

Right now I look ridiculous. I'm not even joking with you. I look like a crazy person. I'm all ready to go to bed, so I'm in my sweats and this old shirt for my school's wrestling team from when my sister dated this wrestler about six years ago. But that's not the crazy part.

Tomorrow is the variety show (I promise, this will lead to an explanation of my crazy person appearance, just bare with me). So I want to have nice hair. That's understandable, right? But I am a lazy bum. I do the bare minimum to get by in life, and I'm pleased with that. So I want to have curly hair tomorrow for the v-show, but curling my hair takes five hundred years and the curls end up going limp in less than no time.

So I have my hair up in sponge curlers right now. And a blue bandana tied over the top of it. A light blue bandana. Mostly, I look crazy.

Today was a bad day. The only nice thing was I got out of classes all day to sit in the auditorium and practice variety show junk. And watch everyone else practice their junk.

I pretty much just sat there for a really long time. Then W.C. and I practiced our song and that went well. But the whole day I just felt kind of ignored and out of it, because everyone I'm friends with was all clustered together and having fun and there just wasn't really room for me. Plus, Mel was alllllll over W.C. It was kind of desperate looking (but I'm a bit petty and jealous, so I might have a bit of a biased view on that). But she was flirting up a storm and he was flirting back and I just sat there and got sadder and sadder.

I think I give up on him. I know that's kind of sad, but honestly, I don't think I have much of a chance. Not right now, at least. Besides, I'm leaving for college in a few months. I'll probably meet someone there. And, if not, he and I are going to the same college. And Mel will still be here. So my odds might be better then.

I'm just kind of sick of sitting here feeling like I have all of these feelings and not knowing what to do with them. Telling him wouldn't really work. We're not strong enough of friends that we could get past that, and I just got him back as a friend. Mel is jealous already that Alison and I are such good friends, so I think she flirts with him in front of me on purpose. But if that's the way she wants to act, I don't even care. It's immature of her and I don't want to deal with that drama.

I'm not that desperate.

I also went to my doctor today for the millionth time this year. I've been having these ongoing health issues (mostly weird fast heart stuff and weird shortness of breath stuff, but not always at the same time), so I've been in and out getting tested for stuff. Nothing's come back positive, though. So I went in again today because when I fall asleep lately, I wake up gasping for breath like I'd been under water.

Anyway, long story short, I probably have some kind of anxiety and my body likes to tell me that I'm too stressed out by making my body do stupid things. Which would totally make sense to me. I usually have too much on my plate at a time and I don't like to ask for help and all that stuff.

I don't really know why I shared that. It was just on my mind.

In other, happier news, an editorial I wrote for my school paper (I mentioned that I'm managing editor of my school paper, right?) won 3rd place in a national competition. That's the best placing anyone from our school has ever gotten in that competition ever. I also won a different award for outstanding scholastic journalism earlier this year.

Yay me!

I hope none of you had a day that made you as cranky as mine made me! If you did, watch these and feel happier:

And also: This one (which wouldn't let me just embed the video, but it's definitely the best one).

1 comment:

  1. I have this hilarious image of you in curlers like some old school grandmother who used to do my siter's hair with strips of brown paper bags. How that works I have no idea.

    You do know that you will wake up with bed head and have to wear a sombrero to the show don't you?

    As for WC that was a hard thing to see. I feel for you girl. What makes it worse is living in your own head which will make up 'truths' that are not real and just mess with you. What is in your brain is infinately worse than the truth can ever be. And you have an imagination so multiply that by 100.

    You need to be strong. Don't give away that you are hurting. You were right to distance yourself from the drama. Remember that you have no idea what WC thinks of her. He might hate the way she is acting around him. He may laugh with his friends and say how lame she is. If she is that obvious then she is lame.

    Don't discount the time YOU spent with him. That quality time does not go unnoticed.

    Let me get this straight. You are singing in the variety show with your secret crush (remember that THAT will always be a good memory between the two of you and if you do go to the same college that is your IN with him) and you win writing awards and manage a newspaper. You are freakin' Lois Lane! I guess that makes WC Superman.

    I too give a heavy 'meh' to all the praise or acclaim I get for something because that comes easy for me. I too focus on what I don't have as opposed to what I do.

    Good luck tomorrow, hopefully someone will record it so that I an others can see it. It will be great, you will be great because you are great.

    (I hope that helps. I can't help following your story because you tell it well. Hope that is okay with you.)