A Cautionary Tale

Location: Desk
Listening to: Some monotone guy on a commercial and my dad squeaking my dog's toy downstairs.
Days til graduation: About 46 or so?

Well, today was eventful. After school, White Chocolate and I practiced our song. And we actually did it perfectly for the first time! We were super, super, super excited. I know people say music is glorious all the time and it's totally cliche, but it was. We made GLORIOUS music. I felt all warm and floaty and special. It was pretty much the most exciting thing ever.

Then, I went to the Ear, Nose and Throat specialist to get my fish-bone-in-the-throat situation checked out. It wasn't the first time I'd been there. I got my tonsils removed in 2006. But I went in and they had me fill out some paperwork and they weighed me and lead me back to the exam room.

Where the nurse informed me that they would be sticking a tube up my nose and down my throat to see what's going on.

Now, I am a firm believer that tubes (or any other foreign object, for that matter) do not belong up your nose. Or up your...anywhere. So I got a little skittish. But the nurse assured me that they do this all the time and that she had even had it done and it wasn't that bad. She then proceeded to spray numbing stuff and decongestant up my nose. I was told to "sniff gently" while she was spraying it up there to make sure it got all the way along my nasal passage and the back of my throat.

I think I sniffed too well, though. Because I could taste the spray stuff on the back of my throat and it was nasty. Like the most disgusting kind of medicine you've ever had to take times fifty.

So then I sat there for a good ten minutes or so while waiting for the actual doctor to come in. And my nose is getting all decongested all over the place, but I was instructed not to blow it. So, that was fun.

Then, after what seemed like ages of sniffling, the doctor came in. And his first words were, "Well, I took a look at your x-ray and I didn't see anything that really concerned me."

To which I wanted to respond: THEN WHY ARE YOU GOING TO STICK THAT TUBE UP MY NOSE?!

He asked me a few questions about if I have acid reflux and what kind of symptoms I'd been having. Then another nurse came in brandishing the nose-tube. And I swear to God, my nostrils clamped shut at the sight of it. But the doctor told me to relax and started inserting the tube into my nostril and I thought, "Hey, this isn't so bad."

And then they got to the point where the tube was trying to be in my throat and not my nose. And that's when it got uncomfortable. I clenched the arm of the chair and my eyes started watering and I'm pretty sure I made some whimpering noises. The nurse kept rubbing my back, like that was going to help the fact that they were sticking things up my nose.

So, finally, I got used to the having-this-tube-thing-in-my-nose/throat sensation, and the doctor told me to make some "aaah" and "eee" noises and then he started to pull the thing out. Which was ok, until it got to the point where my throat turned back into my nose. And it got caught. I seriously thought he was going to rip this thing out of my face and then just leave me sit there and bleed to death (which would not have been cool, because I faint when I see blood). But I kind of yelped and he realized that I was in pain and he stopped yanking and started gently wiggling it around until it came the rest of the way out.

And it turns out THERE WASN'T EVEN A FISH BONE DOWN THERE! Or ANYTHING, for that matter!!

So, kids, the moral of this story is: If you are told you have a foreign object lodged in your throat and that they will have to stick a tube up your nose and down your throat to check it out, but don't worry, it won't even hurt, THEY ARE LYING. And chances are, there's not even anything lodged down there.